queer & suicidal

by roland flowers

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about

special thanks to elspeth, sam, evelyn, sophie, charlii, lily, cameron, aidan, nathan, maddie, pippa
regular thanks to everyone else
no thanks to my sense of rhythm

credits

released May 22, 2016

'i feel like shit and i want to die', 'you met me and i suck', and 'a little less loud 1' were produced/vastly improved by aidan rowan (soundcloud.com/aidanrowan)

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: your house, your room, your bed pt. 1
i woke this morning to nothing at all
i lay in wrappings to wait for your call
and only then did i realise
your voice had died
with your throat full of flies

we spoke of ghosts
and your unchallenged prose
and your face broke open
and with blood down your nose
you said you couldn't be happier
and you fed me herbs and water

and i slept by you all through the night
and i woke to find that you had died
and the final words you ever said
"i've had enough, get out of my bed"
Track Name: roses
you would float like roses would through woods where we would walk at night
everything seemed beautiful and I would stare into your eyes
even in the dead of night the pavement seemed to burn so bright
even in the dead of night the sun would stretch across the sky

but oh, oh these words
falling from my mouth, and turning into dirt
i am a boy, but I am not a man
i don't have legs, and I don't understand

you would float like roses would without me in the woods at night
everything is terrible and I am scared and don't know why
please pretend we're fine again and stop yourself from getting high
please pretend we're young again with feet to walk and legs to fly

but oh, oh that night
i could have died a million different times
and from the things you said
i could have wished, wished that I was dead

beautiful like roses
Track Name: i feel like shit and i want to die
i feel like shit
i hate myself and i want to die
i'll try to write a song
i might feel better later
i feel like shit
i hate myself and i want to die
i don't know how to deal with it
i hate myself and i want to die
i feel like shit
what the hell did i do wrong?
i feel like shit
i know what i did wrong
and i'm ignoring it
i feel like shit
i feel like shit
what the hell did
i do wrong?
Track Name: iii (pronounced i don't know)
in the morning you said
that the drink had gone to your head
and when you woke up
everyone you knew was gone

by the moonlight we grew
to resemble our parents too
how ironic
now everywhere we go is hell

but you had your chance
to invite me over to dance
but you didn't
so instead i headed home
Track Name: nihilism/narcissism/escapism
i don't hate you
i forgive you

please don't go away
you are not alone
Track Name: you met me and i suck
you met me and i suck
you met me and i suck
i guess it's just bad luck
to love someone who sucks

and i hate all your friends
and you hate all my friends
so i don't blame you then
if you never wanna do it again

but you met me and i suck
you met me i suck
i guess it's just bad luck
to love someone who sucks

but i don't even care
no i don't even care
you can take me anywhere
cos i love you more than air

you met me and i suck
you met me and i suck
i guess it's just bad luck
to love someone who sucks
to love someone who sucks
Track Name: ii (pronounced ee)
wake up now
you have been sleeping here for hours
among the headstones and the flowers

go back home
alright you leave me on my own
someone is waiting by the phone

close my eyes
i am still waiting for the light
and after all this time
somehow it came as no surprise
when you were gone
Track Name: a little less loud 1
you can have me anywhere you like
you can do whatever you want to me
i feel i have to tell you this
because you hate your body

you can touch my anythingyouwant
you can break bits off of my skin
we can stay awake all fucking night
if you're scared of sleeping
Track Name: a little less loud 2
i love you and you love me
we're both just twisting in the wind
are you there please comb my hair
my used tissues everywhere
i don't eat and i don't sleep
and i don't want to make you leave
it's hard enough just getting up
tell me when you've had enough

i love you and you love me
it's complicated and ugly
i don't want to die just yet
it can wait until we've met
Track Name: bees
i closed my eyes, i couldn't sleep
i opened them, i couldn't see
i filled my mouth with honeybees

now i don't know, no i don't know

i closed my mouth, i couldn't breathe
i opened it, i couldn't speak
i filled my mouth with honeybees

now i don't know, no i don't know

i ran away, i stayed a week
i hated you, i couldn't sleep
i filled my mouth with honeybees
i filled my brain with honeybees

now i don't know, no i don't know
Track Name: misery
i haven't left the house
in 168 hours
i feel like i'm going insane
i'm living off of bread
i barely leave my bed
and the front door is tied up in chains
books will become beasts
the doors will become teeth
and the mattress will swallow me whole
if i don't get out soon
i'll die inside my room
and the walls will get hollow and cold

my hair touches the sink
when i bend down to drink
and my muscles are fading away
it's not anything new
just give it a week or two
and i will be okay
Track Name: rest in peace aka in a room with no doors, in a house with no floors aka roland flowers has died
i've been stood up
i've been lost
i've been cut out
i've been forgot
i've been stared at
i've been ignored
i've been fucked up
i've been bored
i've been yelled at
i've been blamed
i've been buried
i've been shamed
i've been beaten
i've been stabbed
i've been stood on
i've been grabbed
i've been strangled
i've been drowned
i've been strung out
i've been pushed around
i've been careful
i've been caught
i've been carried away
i've been left to rot
i've been final
i've been phased
i've been angry
i've been depressed for days
i've been haunted
i've been sick
i've been suicidal
now i'm bored of it
Track Name: your house, your room, your bed pt. 2
i stopped believing that you were there
i moved away and dyed my hair
and suddenly it wasn't love
but want and need and i gave up

when you're away i'll dream of you
your laugh, your skin, your narrow truths
your hair, your smell, your empty head

your house, your room, your bed
your house, your room, your bed